she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
