he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
