What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
