oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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