i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
