LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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