Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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