That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
