Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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