my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
