Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
