Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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