Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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