Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize