This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize