its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
