Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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