I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
