I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
