Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
