I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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