I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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