the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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