It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize