its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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