You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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