okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
