It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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