I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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