Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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