In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize