It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
