I'm going to rape someone's good day.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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