the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
