we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
