The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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