SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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