how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
