paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
