How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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