Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
