That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
