My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
