11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
