Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
