Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
a search helicopter?!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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