I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize