Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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