im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
