Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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