You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
