I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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