I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
