You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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