i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
