Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
