can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
