when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
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