I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
