he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
