Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
