WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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