My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
