I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize