The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
