broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't turn off my feet"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize