You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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