we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
