I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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