so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
