Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
