I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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